What a Day

As usual, I cannot sleep.  I used to be able to sleep like a baby.  Somehow my hormones have changed in my mid-thirties.  I seem to wake up at 2:30 or 3:00 a.m.all the time.  Since I cannot sleep, I figured I might as well blog.

Saturday was an interesting day.  I was relaying my feelings to my husband, Carl, that I felt convicted about something.  He accused me of misusing the word "convicted."  He went one step further and called me, "a crazy Southern Baptist."  Wow!  That stung.  I have to preface this by saying he did spend the morning cleaning the kitchen and making me breakfast.  This is a point he was quick to make in his defense when I started crying.  I also must confess that I do make fun of my husband relentlessly.  I have a quick, biting wit.  I really need to work on this, because I know that sarcasm is not a spiritual gift. If I'm going to dish it out, then I need to be able to take it.

My husband was raised Catholic.  I was raised Baptist.  For some reason when he called me a crazy Southern Baptist it felt like my best friend was persecuting me for my beliefs.  It hurt.  Nevermind the fact that it is true.  I suppose I am a crazy Southern Baptist in some regards.  However, that did not stop me from proving him wrong.  Like I said before he accused me of misusing the word "convicted."  Carl prides himself on always correcting posture and grammar.  Now it was my turn.  He thought that my use of the word "convicted" was some crazy Baptist belief that wasn't true or correct in the English language.  It was so on.  Before I started crying I looked up the word "conviction" on freedictionary.com to show him it meant belief among other definitions.  That was not enough.  He responded, "That's conviction, not convicted."  I went another step further.  I looked up "convicted."  The definition from freedictionary.com is as follows:

3. To make aware of one's sinfulness or guilt.

There it was in writing.  Thank God for the internet.  He admitted he was wrong.  I got to say, "I told you so."  I know it was not the most Christian attitude to take.  I am a sinner.  I did already mention that I felt convicted.  Let's just add this on to the pile.  Thank the Lord for His mercy and grace.  Somehow proving that I was right did not stop me from crying.  I know my husband is my biggest fan.  He is far better at acting loving than I am.  He was sorry he hurt my feelings.  I forgive him.  I hope he will forgive me for blogging about this. 

It's amazing how sharp a tongue can be, and how deep the cut goes when it hits one's beliefs.  I know I have ridiculed others for their beliefs in the past.  I'm so sorry I have done that.  I realize now that I should try to understand where someone is coming from.  Why do they believe as they believe?  I still believe in evangelism and spreading the Gospel.  I just think that if I don't love someone enough to respect their beliefs, then perhaps I don't love them enough yet to be the right person to share the Gospel with them.  It's kind of ironic.  Isn't it?

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs. I'm actually really bad at putting love into action.  This blog post is exhibit A.  When I read the Love Dare, I actually thought before I started reading it that I would finally figure out how to get Carl do what I want by reading this book.  Yes, I'm a bit manipulative.  What woman isn't?  Did you hear about Eve?  She started it.  (Just kidding.)  The Love Dare was a real eye opener.  I discovered that Carl is a lot more loving than I am.  He didn't even need to read the book.  He had this whole unconditional love thing down.  I am the one that needs to change.  Maybe that's why he called me a crazy Southern Baptist.  Actually, I'm guessing he called me that, because I have far too much guilt and not enough joy.  Why is it so much easier to talk the talk, then to walk the walk?  The answer is Jesus.  It's all about Jesus.  I will never succeed on my own.  I need Him.  I can never measure up to Him.  The good news is that due to His death and resurrection He has washed my sins away.

Dear Lord,
Thank you so much for your sacrifice.  I am a sinner.  Thank you for dying for my sins.  Thank you for your mercy and grace.  Please help me to be a more obedient servant.  Please give me wisdom and fill my heart with your love and joy.  Please heal the sick.  Please forgive me for my laziness, my selfishness, and my sharp tongue. I lay these sins at the cross.  I surrender them.  Please help me change.  Please protect me from evil.  Keep my paths straight towards pursuing your kingdom.  I ask these things in Jesus' name.  Amen.